Adrenaline Addict

Many years ago, I was in a fearful situation.  I had a stalker that caused me to look over my shoulder, always.  I had to weigh whether or not it was safe to take my small boys out, or if we should just stay home.  I spent many days, hanging out at friend's houses, places that I knew...he could not find me. I grew accustomed to closing all the blinds and having the TV or radio loud, so my boys could not hear this man yelling outside my door.  He was so crafty at what he did, that he even had the police laughing with him, in front of my house.  I lived in fear.  One of the many people whom I sought counsel from, told me "Sheryl, do not get addicted to the drama."  I thought he was crazy!  Why in the world would I want this kind of drama.  At some point, I realized that he was talking about the adrenaline rush that you get, in fear.  There is a fine line between good adrenaline and the kind that comes from fear.  It feels the same in your body.  Your body can become addicted to it and unconsciously create drama to experience the same rush.  I have been very thankful to this friend for being so blunt with me.  Through the years, I was careful to keep his advice close in my mind and prevent becoming an adrenaline addict.  The other day, something happened that brought back all the fear that I thought was far removed from my mind, my life. The situation was not near as dangerous, but...it did not matter.  My body reacted the same.  I was so shocked to be shaking and reacting the way I was.  I had no idea that my body remembered....fear.  Thinking about this, made me think about all the things that our bodies, must remember.  Certain smells, seasons, sounds, tastes.  Any combination of our senses that throw us back in time, to a wonderful or horrible place.  Each year in the month of August...I will have a day that I feel empty.  It took me awhile, but...I figured out that I was missing my baby that I miscarried in August of  81. Though many years ago, the season is a constant reminder of my loss. This, is just one of many twinges that bring back memories, that makes my body ache, shake or feel completely loved and safe.  Think about it.  Lilacs are about to bloom....what does the smell remind you of?  For me...it's the freedom of running outside without shoes, summer barbeques and stepping in dog poo. OK...we could have lived without THAT memory :)  So, how do we live with all these emotions, all the memories...good and bad?  How do we keep our bodies from acting out our past experiences?  We don't!  To get rid of the bad...we would lose the good.  To stop feeling the horrible, we would never feel elation!  God created us to feel...  to live.  So...we go on, day after day, creating memories, the good, along with the awful and we thank God for the wonderful and learn from the crazy.  Because, we are... alive.